vulnerable

So, two days ago when I was writing all of that, I had tough feeling that if I died early, this whole blog would take on a whole new significance. I thought of it quickly, then buried it just as fast. To be honest, I don't like thinking of those things.

On Wednesday night, a really great guy from our church died tragically in a car accident. He was very alive. And now he isn't. Yesterday was spent in shock and vulnerability. Today, sadness is setting in for the family. I still feel vulnerable though. I've had a fear of people dying since I was a little kid. I feel really young today.

In 9th grade, the kid that sat next to me in Algebra was there on Friday and was gone by Monday. We were not close. But it was his goneness that was so confusing. This is how I feel today. I haven't felt this way since 9th grade. And it's a bad feeling, to be honest. I don't have resources deep enough to be carried serenely through this kind of tragedy. Death always suprises you.

Today I feel vulnerable, because I am reminded that I can't control things like your death, or my death. I think I have some insight and philosophy that eventually help me recover and gain perspective, but in the initial shock of death, I am pretty down.

I'm praying for Kim. I'm praying for Kelby who I knew when I was a Jr. High pastor. Also for Kendall and Kerrigan.